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Time to Disengage?

I’m not sure whether it’s a mid-life crisis, a lack of sun in the winter months or what but I feel exceptionally grumpy. AGAIN. I felt like this in the Fall last year and it lasted longer than the stupid and inexplicable last resort comments about hormones and “that time of the month.”  It’s here again. The grumpiness.

I had to make this

I don’t seek conflict or enjoy drama but I generally don’t back down from difficult conversations or disagreements either. I will always engage in them. Having said that I find myself so angry and frustrated a lot of the time. There is just too much negativity around me (coming from me?) and I engage in it and then give too much of myself over to it.  So I am choosing to back away. Back away from the negative influences that antagonize me.

You can’t have a conversation over Twitter or Facebook.  I think it’s time to disengage from those media forms too. Until today I hadn’t really posted a status on FB or Twitter, “liked” a message or responded in 4 days.  I was choosing not to engage – at all.  It was a challenge I set myself. It was a little tricky but by no means was it really hard. This is not some epic goodbye speech. I’m not closing these accounts or lamenting the evils of social media but I have simply made an decision and an effort to distance myself from the sites and the people where I felt the most hostility. It’s time to change the message. Time to disengage.

I need to focus more on creating positive situations for myself. My mental health is not something I take for granted.  I live with anxiety.  I have my whole life.  My fear is it will lead me to a dark path that consumed me once – DEPRESSION.  I will never go back there. EVER. If I can control the situation at all I think this is one step in what I need to do to save my perceived sanity.  So right now I’m grumpy but I have plans to change that.